Context
patreon
Useless: Chapter 11
🕑 Added 2025-07-30 01:44:44 +0000 UTCIn a smoke filled boardroom two scientists in their best pantsuits presented to a group of frowning women approaching retirement. They had endured patiently through the scientific mumbo-jumbo slides to get to the synopsis. As they progressed through each slide, the old ladies' frowns became more pronounced.
Dr. Treda from H & R walked in front of a slide showing a toroidal device with lighting arcing off it. “One key point to take home is that the process of parallel universe jump is the source of Dan Gadsen’s power. The particle accelerator used to rip the hole in spacetime causes the subject to be bombarded with high doses of tachyon particles while simultaneously freezing time during that moment so that was is not spaghettified.”
“What does spaghettified mean, Doctor?” Director Lizzy Bakewell interrupted.
“It’s a colloquial term for having your body stretched into a thin line. You become a noodle. To be clear, you don’t survive.”
“That’s obvious, continue.” Bakewell took a drag on her smoke.
Treda obeyed. “Our calculations indicate that the chance of developing super powers while traversing a universal barrier is sixty-eight percent with a confidence of plus or minus one percent. While the remaining percentage being fatalities. But I’d like Doctor Moarly to summarize the issues with the parallel universe scope. Doctor Moarly?”
An even nerdier scientist came up to the podium. “Yes. The... the parallel universe scope that we use to detect males for possible universe reassignment is only capable of detecting the emotional content of the target. Essentially we see psychic echoes from the alternate dimension, and can make a pretty good representation of what’s going on. We get the biggest signals from those suffering from emotional trauma. At first we thought this was a fortunate accident, because potential subjects were at a higher probability of demise, and thus reassignment would have minimal effect on the parallel universe.”
Ms. Snow, the frizzy haired secretary of the department of gender croaked. “I couldn’t really tell the drawbacks of that from the beginning of the talk, Doctor Moarly.”
“While we can detect situations of imminent demise at a rate sufficient for Project Equality. The particle accelerator is accurate to only a few dozen feet and a few seconds in time. We were very lucky to get Dan instead of his suspected murderer.”
“For fucks sake. This is a goddamn nightmare. Tell me the chance of reassignment of a criminal superhero to our world?”
“Indications show that at least one third of those retrieved would have a high tendency for antisocial behavior, the rest would be a mixture of benign individuals and emergency responders who were not the target.”
Bakewell slammed her hand down on the table. “The last thing we need are a bunch of sociopathic sex-crazed men running around the world. It would be a disaster.”
“Doctors, is this true? Is there any chance of Project Equality being a success? Can it be salvaged?” Secretary Snow asked in a begging voice.
“While there may be improvements to the universal scope, the technique of reassignment is fundamentally locked. Ultimately the answer is no, unless the government can tolerate a sizable population of super abled men of varying degrees of villainy.”
Secretary Snow facepalmed. “Ten and a half billion dollars. We wasted all that money and time trying to make it easier to maintain the population, and all we have to show for it is a superhero prostitute.”
Dr. Treda nodded. “I know this is hard to hear. But I suggest we also destroy any documentation of project equality as well as the equipment. If this technology falls into the hands of our world’s supervillainesses, the results would be catastrophic. They could search out the multiverse worst of the worst. In fact, they’re easier to find from the emotional signal they give off on the scope.”
“Pappafucker!” Director Baekwell yelled. “We were promised by you scientists that this would be a slam dunk!”
Dr. Treda flinched. “I do admit that initial reports were optimistic, but those were released over thirty years ago. The data acquired during the initial test subject was critical in putting the remaining pieces together. Perhaps we were overeager in our research. We wanted this project to succeed as much as anyone else.”
Secretary Snow stood up and the rest of the meeting members followed suit. “Doctor Treda, thank you for your time. We will take the appropriate steps after hearing what you had to say. We’re glad you warned us of the danger in time. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go get yelled at by the president for the next hour.”
When the room was emptied, Director Bakewell approached Doctor Treda. “Now that we’ve all had a taste of that shit sandwich, please give me an update on mbos-1”
“Ah! Yes. There was quite a development recently. It appears he’s developed a new power.” The doctor brought up her tablet. “Here, you see it’s a forcefield of incredible durability. It withstood Sally Comet’s punches, kicks, and even a sustained blast from her lazer vision.”
“Sally Comet fought Emboss?”
“No, she was training him.”
“Training!? I told H & R I wanted total isolation!”
“I’m sorry Director, I mean this with all due respect, you don’t tell Sally what to do. You ask politely and give a good reason as to why. We’re incredibly lucky she has no shred of villainy or we would all be in trouble. Perhaps a better idea is to get Dan onboard with the cover up. Make it out to be a freak accident, rather than a planned universe reassignment.”
“He’s worked at that super whore house for too long.”
“Perhaps that’s an indictment of our world, not him.”
“Thank you doctor, that will be all.” Bakewell put out her cigarette in the tray next to them.
“The sooner the world accepts him and comes to terms with how certain people in society are treated the sooner…”
“That’s enough!” Bakewll clenched her fists. “You have the luxury of not reading after action reports of superheroine operations. The barrier between civilization and total pandemonium is razor thin. Any widespread knowledge of the fallibility of the government, or of heroes to lead to mass unrest. Are we clear Doctor?”
“Yes. Director.” Dr. Treda mumbled as Bakewell slammed the door as she left.
Dr. Treda. “You said the quiet part out loud Treda.”
“Someone has to tell the truth once in a while.”
…
Dan was walking into the kitchen of his apartment when he saw Cygnus standing at the central island looking upset. She stood up and tried to smile but simply looked stressed.
“What in the hell are you doing here Sandra? Who told you where I live now?”
“Dan! Hi!” Her eyes darted side to side. “The Blazers wouldn’t tell me a thing, but It wasn’t that hard. I simply followed you home from Cloud Nine. Look Dan, we need to talk.”
“You need to leave right now Sandra.” He took a guarded stance, not quite sure of what powers Cygnus had. “Are you some sort of stalker in this world?”
“Richard Hazel broke up with me!” She started to tear up.
Dan’s heart skipped a beat. What?! Why would someone want to break up with a girl with a goddess’s body like that? “W…why should I care? Your love life is none of my concern.”
She folded her arms and pouted. “You’re the reason why he dumped me.”
“What are you talking about? I went out of my way to avoid you Sandra.”
“STOP Calling me by that name!” She fumed. “No one calls me that anymore. I’m Cygnus, or Cyggi.”
“Whatever. Why is it my fault?”
“Richard said I was saying your name when I was talking in my sleep.” She turned away and walked to the windows. “And I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was when I might have…screamed your name, when…” She poked her pointer fingers together.
“What the hell?! Why would you do that!?”
“I don’t know Dan! It’s all so confusing. I thought I was happy as Richard’s mistress, but then I saw the way you looked at me in Deleria’s apartment. It was as if you were worshipping me. Do you know what a look like that can do to a woman?” She took a step forward. “I may have fixated on you and that you’re the first man any supe could be physical with without holding back. I can’t stop what my brain thinks about. I need to know.” She stepped again.
“Need to know what Sand…I mean Cygnus?”
“What it would be like, you idiot!” She clenched her fists and floated into the air by a few inches. “I know you have feelings for me. You and I were lovers in your world. I know it.”
Dan’s mind raced. His thoughts drifted back to his old life of making websites and conventional city experiences. How an angel named Sandra ended up talking with him in a park and how the odd couple hit it off. He thought she was the one, but he was also scared that she was out of his league. How his trust in their relationship grew. Dan was even looking for modest engagement rings the day before he got thrown out of a building.
What turned his stomach was remembering the stone cold face of Sandra when he caught her in a compromising position in the corner office with Richard. His nausea increased thinking about the stock bullshit word salad that she spouted when she really meant to say she didn’t love him anymore.
“I could never be with you Sandra!” He waved his hand from left to right as a firm rejection. “You were dating Richard and how long did it take you to start stalking me? A day? Or did you start that very evening!?”
“I’d thought you would be happy. That you’d have that same look on your face.” She drifted slowly towards him. “It can be like that Dan, please, you have to trust me.”
Dan put up his forcefield and Cygnus bounced off it in shock and surprise. The desperation in her voice turned into anger. Her voice was muffled behind the field, but he heard it just the same. “This is all your fault Dan! You have to make this right. Don’t do something you’ll regret!” She punched the field which made a low gong. Her eyes grew white and her whole body glowed blue-white. Cygnus raised her hand and started to discharge a beam of energy, trying to break the barrier.
“Get out of my home you stupid bitch!”
“No one turns me down! Do you know who I am?” The forcefield absorbed the energy and glowed purple. Dan could feel his strength start to drain quickly.
“You’re nothing but trouble! Anyone could see that from a mile away. Dick probably dated you because he was bored with the dozens of other women he fucked.”
“Aaargh!” Cygnus flared energy but quickly got gassed. When she couldn’t maintain the beam she dropped to the floor. The room smelled of ozone.
Cygnus looked up with mascara streaking down her face. “I hate you! You stupid asshole, you ruined my life!” She got into the air and flew out of the window. She managed to pass through the glass without breaking it. She floated in the air looking at him inside the apartment for a moment before flying away.
Dan dashed for his phone and called the first person he thought of.
“Silvi? Hi. Something’s gone very wrong with Cygnus. She’s not in danger, but I may be. I need to talk. Can we meet somewhere private?”
He heard the assertive voice of the Red Berzerker on the other end of the call. “Sure. I know a place, let me text you the address. I can get there in ten minutes.”
“Just… just make sure Cygnus isn’t following you.” He stammered. “I don’t know what she’s capable of doing.”
Dan ran at a sprint just slow enough to not get noticed by civilians in the light of day. The place texted to him was the Jupiter Hotel, a glass tower in the center of downtown. When he opened the door to the room he saw Silvi and Sally dressed in their official uniforms.
“Silvi, why is Sally here?”
“She has good hearing Dan, and she was in the room when you called me.” She sighed. “She wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“I’m sorry Dan. The moment I heard fear in your voice I had to come.” Sally ran to him and picked him up with a bear hug. “I’m glad you called right away, but I’m miffed that you didn’t think of me first.”
“Sorry, it was a gut decision.” He pulled away from her and sat down on the king sized bed.
Silvi walked up to the edge of the bed and looked down at him. “So let’s get to the bottom of this. What’s wrong with Cyggi?”
“This morning I woke up and she was in the kitchen waiting for me. She was upset because she had broken up with Richard Hazel, and she said it was my fault. She was frantic and she said she had stalked me to find out where I lived. Cygnus had this crazy idea that she wanted a relationship with me. I flat out denied her. I ended up putting up my forcefield to keep her away. Then she tried to break the barrier with a white colored beam of light.”
The two heroins looked at each other before looking back. “Are you hurt? Is the building knocked down?”
“No, the barrier held up thankfully.” He waved his hand. “It seemed like she used up a bit of power because she gave up and flew off. The last words I remember her saying was that she hated me and that I ruined her life.”
“Don’t worry Dan, we’re here. You’re safe, we didn’t catch her following us.” Her voice was soothing.
“That’s a relief. I don’t know what she can do.”
“Any other person would have been dead from her plasma beam. I’m so glad I helped you find your powers.” Sally ran and knocked him over on the bed and hugged him.
“Whoa!” He kicked off his shoes and scooted up the bed. Silvi jumped into bed as well, leaving her hammer on the floor. Dan felt their bodies press onto him and he felt warm and safe. “This means a lot to me. Thank you Silvi and Sally.”
“We couldn’t let our boy get hurt.” Silvi nuzzled him. The trio laid on the bed and felt each other’s hearts beat. They were quiet and let the moment be.
“Girls what should I do?” Dan tapped their shoulders as they hugged him. “A superhero hates me.”
“I don’t think there’s much you have to worry about physically. Her plasma bolts are her most powerful attack, but she can also control minds.”
“I don’t think I’ll be susceptible to that anymore, I might have developed a resistance to it.”
Sally put her chin on his chest, looking cute. “She can go through short distances of material like walls and windows, and she has telekinetic powers. So fly, blast, go through stuff, and she’s an esper. Oh, and she’s pretty strong as well. Not as strong as me or Silvi, but she is no slouch.”
“That’s enough I think.”
“It was good to call us though.” Silvi started to grind into him. “It’s been a while since we were together.”
“It was yesterday! For both of you!” He laughed. “And you’re scheduled tonight Silvi. Don’t make it out to be like you’re living in a cock-desert.”
“But it’s so good.” She bit her lip and turned to her comrade. “Sally, this sounds crazy, but would you be willing to do a threeway?”
“But that’s dirty, isn’t it?” She buried her face in Dan’s armpit. “I’m a good girl!”
“It’s either that.” Silvi purred. “Or you watch me have Dan all to myself.”
“Be nice Silvi, Sally’s not going to be into that.”
“No, I’m not going to just sit there and watch while some girl fucks my man.” She got up. “I’ll join in. Did you want me dressed or undressed?”
“And mess up your suit?” Dan guffawed. “No way, drycleaning is way too expensive.”
The threesome proceeded to help each other get off their clothes. Getting out of the super suits required a bit of assistance because the zippers were hidden. When they were finished two nubile supple bodies lay on the bed writhing in anticipation.
“Who wants to go first?” Dan slapped his hands together.
“Dan.” Sally asked. “Could you please pleasure me with your mouth?”
“I would love to. Let me get on my back.” Dan laid on the bed and waited for Sally’s firm creamy thighs to appear over his face. She sat on his face gently and faced the headboard. Dan’s hands were drawn to her pert buttocks and he massaged them. When he first kissed Sally’s vulva it was already wet and ready. He ate her out like he was in a pie eating competition, flicking and swirling his tongue everywhere it could go.
“Suck my clit hard Dan, that’s what I want. That’s what I dreamed of you doing. Aargh!” He took the top half of her vagina into his mouth and sucked. Drawing blood into her clitoris and engorging it. He then encircled it and flicked it. Sally’s nipples were erect and he started kneading them softly. Sally arched her back in response.
While this was happening Silvi wasted no time and got into a reverse cowgirl position. The heroes faced away from each other and lived in their own worlds of pleasure. Silvi guided Dan’s girthy cock into her canal which was already becoming accustomed to its favorite guest. She engulfed it to the hilt and took pleasure in her fullness.
Silvi moaned. “I love it when you’re inside of me Dan, it’s where you belong.”
Dan moaned in agreement and bucked up, having his glans touch the deep end of her vagina. Sally started grinding on Dan’s face harder as she whined at being sucked on by a super strong mouth. “That’s doing it Dan, you’re pushing me so fast over the edge!”
Dan’s physical pleasure drove all bad thoughts out of his mind as he indulged in two young women’s bodies. His hands moved up and down both their perfect forms, amazed that the two would be accommodating enough to have a threesome with him.
He got into sync with Silvi’s downward pounding by bucking up at the same time. “That’s it Danny! You’re hitting the right spot. Fuck my tight cunt lover boy! I’m never going to let anyone hurt you. Me and Sally love it when you fuck us so good.”
Sally joined in with the dirty talk. “Suck it Danny, suck my pussy until it’s hot and red. I bet no one else could make me cum like you do.” Her moans were high pitched and whiny and getting shorter and closer together. Sally gripped the headboard of the bed and crunched it in her fingers and her pussy started to quiver in orgasm. “Dan, your mouth is the best! I’m going to let it out!” She squirted a strong stream of fluid above his face to the headboard, causing it to splash on his face and neck. Sally didn’t feel embarrassed but let her high pitch squeals become guttural moans. When she could endure no more she slumped to the side and let him hold her pussy in his left hand firmly.
Sally’s eyes went wide as she saw Silvi’s rear end drop hammer blows down on Dan’s pelvis, impaling itself on his pecker. “Is this what you see when you fuck me Danny?”
“Yes, doesn’t it look sexy?” He grabbed Silvi’s butt with his free hand and added more to the down pounding. Silvi shreeked at the added intensity.
“Use both hands Danny, I’m ok.” Sally slid her hand underneath Dan’s and started to flick her own clitoris and mash it in tight circles. The man grabbed both meaty cheeks and proceeded to go full speed. He thrust upwards and slammed her rump down at faster and faster frequencies.
Silvi’s eyes rolled back in her head and she couldn’t keep her head up any longer. “Daaa….daan! Ungh. Please, I need it. Dan, please cum!”
Sally and Silvi did a duet of rising moans while Dan focused on his own pleasure. It required Silvi to clamp down hard in her orgasm for him to finally nut while lying on his back as he furiously pumped.
Sally’s mouth dropped open when she started to see the creampie ooze out of Silvi’s hammered pussy. The freckled redhead collapsed with her head and shoulders falling off the foot of the bed, being held back from falling over by her leg lock with Dan and cock implanted in her belly.
“I want a cream pie too.” Sally nuzzled and nibbled Dan’s ear making him squirm from the tickling.
He grinned. “Did you want a ride?”
“No, I want to clean up Silvi’s creampie while I get one from behind. I want something to remember when I’m by myself and can’t have you for my own. Danny, you're making me so dirty.”
“Don’t make me feel guilty making you girls feel good.” He kissed her. “I would just do vanilla sex if you wanted, you’re the one asking for the naughty stuff.”
She giggled. “Yeah, I guess. I just don’t want you to get bored with me.” She pulled Silvi back onto the bed up to the wet headboard and started munching on her carpet, slurping up Dan’s love glaze. She taunted Dan by waving her ass back and forth.
Dan gave a chef’s kiss before mounting her. “How could anyone get bored of you two vixens?”
