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🕑 Added 2020-06-29 00:57:41 +0000 UTC

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I have legitimately worked in jobs where goanna attack was a real conserne and we had procedures to deal with Tony the goanna

Nicholas A Wagner

First you don't let crocodiles into libraries, then their literary rated drop, and the next thing you know they are rumbling in the streets with the Jets and the Sharks

Grumpy Bird

Ok but try telling a Goanna where to go and what to do (unless you're a delightfully unaware waitress that has no problems dragging one out by the tail)

Kevin Hicks

Crocodiles don't CARE what's "allowed." IJS...

Bagge

They will never see it coming

Alex Borders

I can't believe no one so far is concerned about the potential for Emu shenanigans!

Julienne Ignace

..... May I ask... Why????? (Not why I shouldn't search it, but why you took the sacrifice upon yourself)

Julienne Ignace

Specifically Martin.

Julienne Ignace

"mostly"

Bagge

Personaly I'm mostly worried about those insane pyromaniac birds

Richard Riley

I did wonder, when job hunting, whether it would have been frowned on by anyone for me to apply after midnight. I never risked it.

Just stay South of the Mary River on the East Coast and you'll mostly be fine.

Cha0sniper

Claire, honey, that's fine for you, but Marten won't be in the library, now will he?

Thyrlactos Plummetus ... the scientific name is awesome as well

Mattezhion Zane Corgan Campbell

While the rules do prohibit crocodiles from local libraries, crocodiles aren't known for listening to rules. They mostly listen to screaming.

*eye twitch* Please don't bring up cassowaries. I had a run in with one while fucking around in the Daintree back in the late 80s. Having reef sharks dorsal up and circling us while on surfboards. Having a gun drawn on me. Yeah, looking into the soulless eye of a daggerfoot murderbird tops the list of bowel destroying fear moments in my life.

Dean Reilly

15. Some of the sheep

Da Nargh!!

My boss isn't poisonous, he's just toxic

Sebastian

The ranking order of most toxic creatures goes: 1. Drop bears (of course) 2. The Prime Minister 3. Jellyfish 4. Snakes 5. More snakes 6. Spiders (except peacock spiders, daddy long legs and huntsmen) 7. Other politicians 8. Salties 9. More snakes 10. More spiders 11. Freshwater crocodiles 12. Koalas with chlamydia 13. Stingrays 14. Everything else (except peacock spiders)

Mark

Cassowaries know that they are dinosaurs, and will eff you up, man.

Ian Wolfe

When a 15-20 ft cranky crocodile wants into the library, are YOU going to try and stop it from coming in, Claire?

Chris

Don't forget about the garbage chickens.

Clifton Royston

Excellent callback.

Bagge

But - stay with me here - what if it fell off a truck?

SilverbackRon

Who WOULDN'T be your friend for a worm or two?

SpookyPenguin

Seriously, the other night I was putting the bin out and I surprised a roo on the nature strip. I love living out here. Kookas in the mornings, cockys in the evenings and a kangarroos crossing sign across the road from me. I haven't seen a snake but plenty of lizards and spiders. I keep my cat indoors and the council is very harsh on the owners of free range pets. Also magpies will be your friends with a worm or two.

Thisguy

Probably huntsmans, and they’re mostly harmless.

Thisguy

The politicians are deadlier.

Chris Heg

Everything poisonous lives in Australia but it's possible to avoid most of them.

Sally Fields

I live in Australia, and have a "no crocodiles" sign, not as effective as you may think. The "no alligators" sign seems to work fine though

Meredith Conran

Magpies during swooping season are much scarier than crocs!

Captain Button

But do they have Parrots From Hell?

Hugh Eckert

What about bunyips?

Simon Green

It's always Christmas somewhere in the world. That's the magic of timezones!

Max Kaehn

Pintsize finds true love with a drop bear

awgiedawgie

Marten, online job postings don't care what time it is.

Wolfger

Claire, of course!

Wolfger

I misread that as coronavirus koala...

Pete Hanson

There are still snakes and spiders and other critters that can get in as well.

Churchill (formerly TeaBear)

The spiders, of course, ARE allowed.

Pete Hanson

If a crocodile decides to invade a library, who's going to tell them "No!"

The Aussie National Museum web site tells you everything you need to know about drop bears- https://australian.museum/learn/animals/mammals/drop-bear/

Samantha Yeaman

On behalf of Australia, I would LOVE to have them. They can stay at my house and pet my dog.

I believe that crocodiles are only found near 0.2% of Australian libraries. Actually my head just exploded with scenarios for "Questionable Content" visits Australia.

Tudza

If it's a drop bear, doesn't that mean it's sick? Oh, OK, not a sick koala but a fictional carnivorous koala.

Peter McDevitt

oof. imagine the Australian library spiders.

xamaryllix

She's soooo cute zomg

Olaf

Come to Canberra, Claire! We may have the occasional highly venomous snake in our office buildings, but they're usually very quiet and shy.

Chris Sims

Surely he'd go for the Platypus, or the Echidna....

Chris Sims

Not to mention the 8 Legged Nopes!

Dean Reilly

As another Australian, if I heard that a crocodile had wandered into a library in Darwin or northern Queensland, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Leaflemming

As a New Zealander, I can confirm that anyone who goes to Australia DIES INSTANTLY. (Usually it's the venomous politicians, I believe...)

MikeT

Come in, the water's fine. It's the things IN the water that are the problem...

Andrew Mitchell

As an Australian, I can confirm that I've never seen a crocodile in a library, except in a picture book. No venomous spiders or snakes either.

Jason Wotzko

Don't google search Echidna penis, whatever you do.

MikeT

I warn you, Drop Bears are a serious consideration. Then there are the various forms of Danger Noodles...

PoorGodzilla

Let crocodiles get educated!

RaptorShadow

Look up, stay alive.

Stuart Telfer

Thank you Claire. Also goannas have been known to wander in to restaurants, so I don't know that Claire should count on our libraries being entirely reptile free

Michael Boettger

But Claire, don't forget the myriad other wildlife that will try to end you. And i wouldn't be surprised if they have a venomous book spider or something.