cosmic
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Important Announcement - Please Read!!
🕑 Added 2023-05-20 22:40:15 +0000 UTC~So, for the last week or two I been struggling...art wise. like everything I drew I was not happy with and it's not from lack of ideas, it's just...I haven't felt like doing it...art I mean. And so i think i'm experiencing my very first true case of burnout, I've had artblock but i feel that's different. Like i said, it's not from lack of ideas, i wanna draw my characters & fanart but I can't will myself to do it right now. And I don't like to force stuff when it comes to art. And this didn't just come out of nowhere, I been kind of feeling like this for the past few months, since a big ol' fucking wrench was thrown into my creative cogs and that's something i'll address now.
A few months ago around the beginning of February i had plans for all this cool stuff to come out. At the time i had a short comic in the works and a bigger comic in the works. Till someone messaged me one night, they were nice and complimented my art & characters. Till the conversation turned to introducing new characters and that's when they pretty much told he and others don't like my characters, specifically my character Matthew. Then they went on telling me lies about how "people"/supporters were tired of him. They way they worded it was pretty convincing....and I fell for it. You might remember that late night when i suddenly posted up a quick sketch of a new character, that was that night. They took advantage of my kindness and manipulated me into believing that everyone felt that way about my character(s), manipulated me into creating a new character. At the time it was big ol' anime punch to the gut, it made me feel...bad...that they made me think everyone felt the same way he felt. They then went on to tell me that they and their small group had these zoom calls to talk about art and artists and apparently i was brought up in those conversations. I don't know if those zoom calls were real but it helped them to further manipulate me. As embarrassed as i am to say it, i fell for it...quite hard. The manipulation continued on that night by them telling me that i was like wasting my time by doing polls and comics with Gisele and Matt no one wanted to see, ultimately trying to tell me what to draw. Then they told me with the addition of a new character for my character, Gisele, I should see a "growth" in subscribers and i did see a small growth in subscribers and funnily enough, their attempt of manipulating me almost worked...almost. The next day, i mentioned to my friend, my best online friend, my change in plans. He asked why the sudden change of plans and i told him all that was said to me the night before...and he, my friend spotted the manipulation going on and told me right then and there. At the time i was so caught up with what the manipulator was telling me i wasn't thinking straight. My friend consoled me about how to go about it and THAT'S why there has been HUGE influx of just Gisele and Matt stuff lately. After the manipulation was pointed out to me i didn't want to give them what they wanted, the new character and Gisele.
Oh! remember i said i had a small growth in subscribers? well, this is where it gets spicy. The person who manipulated me created several different accounts on Subscribestar and they were also subscribed on Pixiv Fanbox, and they still messaged me a little bit pretending to be different people (you can see it on subscribestar there a few posts around that time with Gisele and Matt that have a bunch of "dislikes", thats all them.) At this point, i already it was them. so i was just ignoring them. which i admit was kind of hard for me cause i like to think of myself as a nice person but my friend was there to remind me of what they did and how they were. This whole fiasco pretty much continued on thru mid March. Ever since my last upload of my character, Ethan, where I said i was going to hold off on him i've not heard from them since. well, they did try with another account of course, on subscribestar to get me to change my mind with my character Ethan. But since then nothing. Which is good and I hope it stays that way and as of right now, pretty sure it's all over. This is pretty much the jist of all that went down with all this drama.
I think i got all the major details in but yea, thats what I been dealing with and i thought now was a good time to bring it up because even though this whole thing may be over, it still left me...effected. Today when i think of what could possibly be the cause of the burnout i'm experiencing i keep coming back to this whole...experience. It left me more fucked up mentally than I initially thought...it hurt me y'know, telling me all that shit about my characters Sure, it's just smut i'm drawing but it's stuff that i pour my heart and soul into. Since then there were some days i woke up thinking of just quitting the whole nsfw art community, today, as i'm typing this i feel that way...like just quitting...i won't though, there's still stories i want to tell. But with all that said, I'm going to be taking a break, a true month's break this time, i hope. It's gonna be real hard to stay away from art though, hehe!
So i wouldn't blame you guys for wanting to unsubscribe as i won't be posting for a while but either way, thanks so much for all the support, really!! It does mean so much to me. I also wanted to tell you guys as well cause i always been honest with you guys. And big big shoutout to the best online homie for spotting what was really going on with that person and their intentions. There was one other person i also told about this whole situation, and big shoutout to them for the support as well! Thank you both very much!! Well, anyway, that was a lot to say but i hope you all understand why i'll be taking this, what i feel is a much needed break.
I will talk to you all later, much later. I hope you all take care out there and be safe! ^_^
Comments
subjhoo
This is so sad to read, but Im happy you found out about this. Its definately not a mistake in listening to the community, but good thing you found out the bad and toxic intentions of the bad users. This back and forth with basically the same persons/or even just one is very tiring. Love you Cosmic! Taking times off is a bliss! OPEN Manipulation from me:" Take your break seriously! The longer the better the drive once back :P" Cheers, Ben
