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The Martial God - Chapter 68

🕑 Added 2024-12-20 16:00:14 +0000 UTC

Comments

Ria Bell

Tftc!

The Hand Behind the Veil

Alright, I went through them again and messed around the perspective. It should read much better now

James Faulkner

I think the shift in description with Iskandaar describing what’s happening with his brother felt a little strange/stilted but otherwise his perspective was normal! I think the standout odd moments were Alaric not sounding like himself and the Chancellor sounding strange with some perspective/grammar errors muddying the chapter a bit.

The Hand Behind the Veil

Hey! The third person POV I usually do is written through a particular character's POV, for example, Amelia; but the third person in this chapter was a 'narrator's third person' since there was a lot going on in a large area to be covered from a single person's POV, that's why there was a detachment of personality in the third person POV. I think it's okay in Iskandaar's first-person POV. What do you think? As for the grammatical errors, I just edited some parts here and there, and hopefully, it's better. I'll take another look tomorrow when my head is clearer on the chapter; it's cloudy to look for troubling sentences sometimes, not long after writing them. My proofreader will also be done by then.

James Faulkner

Tftc. Seems like there are a fair few grammatical errors this chapter/sentences that don’t make sense? The perspective jumping around makes it a bit hard to follow and the characters unique voices don’t really carry through. Just my 50¢ but this one might need another round of edits?


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