Deriaz
patreon
Every Crooked Line I've Got (Hi-Res)
🕑 Added 2023-09-11 20:52:47 +0000 UTCLittle birthday gift to myself. c: Bruce, my boxelder bug guy, doing a side chest flex. Wanted to take a few days to do something for it; a few years back I intended to make a series of bodybuilding poses using my guy, but... Personal work and myself don't always get along the best. I figured it was about time, though! Back to commissioned work now.
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All the pictures from when I was a kid,
I'm wearing the same coat.
I'd say it was at least two sizes too big,
But it covered from head to toe.
I felt that I can't hide enough.
In (further) truth, it's because part of me kind of got... sad over the Bruce character for a bit. I used to weight-lift, and Bruce is and was always meant to be motivation for me to work out. He's meant to be physically more what I wish I could be (though taken to an extreme end through bodybuilding), but mentally is meant to be me.
I also tend to be really guilty about personal work. Because I know lots of people want me to do work for them, so taking even a day to do a sketch is like... I feel like I'm being lazy? So that's why it took me 3 years to draw Bruce enough.
As for the lyrics: I've been dealing a lot with body dysmorphia again lately. I dunno if that's the right term, though, because despite being cis, I don't feel like I'm male. I don't embody a lot of what I feel like what I would like to be in one -- I'm short, frail, bow-legged, have skin problems, bad facial hair, crooked eyes, etcetc.. So I've been wearing hoodies and baggy clothes again. "But Deriaz, you live in North Carolina, it's been like 95 degrees and 90% humidity like... every day for two months now." Yes, reader, I know. But I'd rather sweat than show people how pale and thin I am. Thank goodness for the masks to hide my eczema. :<
But I do want to try to fix that with working out more consistently. I do it every so often... But never as routine as I used to. Maybe drawing Bruce again might help motivate that? We'll have to see.
Anyways! Without being too much of a downer... I'm gonna go drown myself in video games for the rest of the day, or maybe take a huge nap. Lazy celebration. Then back to commission work! My goal for this coming week is blocking in Enigma's next piece, and getting the D&D lineup near complete. Both feel very do-able. I will hopefully be back soon. I hope you guys enjoy my big 5' 6" bug man showing off a bit. Stay safe out there. Love ya'll.
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