alsoashley
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Behind The Curtain - If You Want It It felt good to get thi..
🕑 Added 2024-04-27 16:04:51 +0000 UTC Behind The Curtain - If You Want It It felt good to get this out, but I don’t want to push my own personal stories/life experiences on folks who are just here for the sexy/entertaining side of things. So for those of you who want to keep that relationship with me, feel free to ignore this post - truly no judgement, you just being here is heartwarming (and hot) all on it’s own. Also, none of what I am saying here will change my content creation output, if anything in a couple weeks you will likely be seeing even more content produced by me than I already make. The following writing deals with loss and cancer. For anyone who wants to get more of a glimpse into my personal life and are okay with that, feel free to read - it’s probably the most personal I have gotten and you all mean a lot to me so I couldn’t not share this, holding it back this long almost felt like lying. You may have noticed a lot of my sets recently have been in hotels the last three months, I wish it was for a more fun reason - But the truth is that someone very close to me, who means more to me than I can put into words, has been fighting a terminal illness since February, and this week they have been moved into hospice, and will pass soon. I’ve been staying at hotels the past couple months because I’ve been traveling to my home town off and on for long chunks of time to be with them and take care of them while they neared end of life. It has been one of the most painful periods of my life, and I feel like a decade has passed since February. Cancer is evil, and I will spare you any further details. I actually spent a portion of my Netherlands trip FaceTiming with them or taking pictures for them so they could feel like they traveled with me (hence the two coffees the internet speculated wildly over me “having a boyfriend” over on my Instagram 😂), but every week since then has been more and more difficult for them, and I’m just glad I’ve been there to do what I could. I have no regrets, and neither do they. I won’t lie, it’s been hard. My content creation is a full time job, I work an entirely different full time job outside of this, and leaving home for nearly three months takes a toll. But I can say that despite all of that, one of the main things I was able to share with them through the many many hospital visits was this world here - showing off my photos and cosplays was one of the joys we were able to share together and talk about. This isn’t something I need any of you to do anything about for me, it’s just what I’ve been dealing with, and if there has been any feeling of distance from me on here or any other social media platform these last couple months I hope it never came across as ill intended. Being here, doing this, being me, interacting and enjoying all of you - (and yes, reading every single one of your hot comments) - that all has helped more than I can possibly thank you for these last couple months, and if you read through all this, I hope you know that. Thank you for helping me through this, you all have been one of the few consistent ways I have been able to smile, and I’m not going anywhere 😊 Love, Ashley
