I want to start off by saying thank you to all my friends, f..
🕑 Added 2022-06-19 22:13:53 +0000 UTC
I want to start off by saying thank you to all my friends, followers and fans who have helped me and supported me these last 3+ years. I have no intention of leaving the adult industry, but I feel you all deserve to know what's been going on with me.
I've written and delete this about a half dozen times today. This is also not the first time I posted a message like this, but seeing as how I've only released a single scene since returning from Chicago over a month ago, I felt everyone deserved an update. This is all made more difficult by the fact that there are some horrible people out there who have been actively trying to harm me, even breaking federal law to do so, and any time I speak up about the issues I'm facing I risk drawing their hatred. With that said I am not looking for any sympathy or anything like that. My fans who support me, especially my paying customers, deserve to know that I am still here. I am still working and will continue to bring you the content you enjoy.
I am mentally ill. An admission many people are rightfully afraid to make due the stigma that has been attached to mental illness. Beyond my depression I suffer from anxiety, bipolar disorder, PTSD and a condition known as Misophonia https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia. Misophonia is not a well known illness in general and it's only in the last several years that doctors have even started to properly recognize and diagnose it. (Even the dictionary for my auto correct doesn't recognize the word).
I don't want to get too far off track discussing specifics, or talk about the impacts of Covid. We've all struggled, we've all suffered and there are certainly a LOT of people out there who have suffered far more than I have. But everyone's struggle is unique and some are better able to handle things than others. Again I am not looking for sympathy, I am not placing blame. By posting this it is my hope that you can understand why my work and release schedule has suffered lately.
Leading up to my trip Chicago back in April I was thinking a lot about harming myself. Even going as far as to make plans to end things because I didn't think I could continue dealing with it all. To be clear I am not having those thoughts now and have no current plans or intentions of harming myself. But stepping back from that edge has taken longer than I had hoped. In the months leading up to that trip, during the trip and even afterwards, the smallest set back felt like the end of the world to me. So much so that it's practicality crippled the confidence this job requires. Dishonest and unreliable people refusing to live up to their word and obligations made me afraid to reach to anyone to work with because I assumed it would just be more of the same. Sitting down to edit what little content I do have to release would send me down a rabbit hole of despair because all I could focus on was how little content I have and how it's been almost impossible to get more filmed.
But I am slowly working my way back from that edge. It's taking longer than I wanted, it feels like everything I do is two steps forward and one step back, but I am making progress. Again I know this isn't my first apology in recent months for my lack of consistency, but please know I am working on it. Without this career, without my friends and my fans I wouldn't even be here at all right now. You deserve better, so please know I am working hard at getting better for you!!!
