lauraperlongo

onlyfans

lauraperlongo posts

Posts: 253 Files: 466

lauraperlongo post wrapping your gifts from onlyfans

sweating out tequila this morning like 🤢🏋🏻‍♀️ lol It was Sa..

sweating out tequila this morning like 🤢🏋🏻‍♀️ lol It was Santa con in NYC over the weekend which means drunkk Santa’s roam the streets wreaking chaos and clogging the sewers with drugstore quality poly-rayon hats. It’s cliche to hate it but who can resist. Fake beards dribbling whiskey onto your kid’s heads as they swing about the streets at 1pm bleary eyed and blocking traffic. The sagging pants. The soggy white fur cuffs high-fiving their shared interest in bastardizing t...

can never decide if i should coat check or not

i like my days long n my showers hot

strands keep burning out 🤦🏻‍♀️

i saw mommy kissing Santa claussss… only it was a Santa Cla..

i saw mommy kissing Santa claussss… only it was a Santa Claus ornament bc MOMMY HAS ALREADY LOST HER GD MIND IN THE XMAS QUALIFIER (ie thanksgiving). If anyone tryna kiki on holidays gone mad hmu. Traditions that helped you make sense of time and space gone awry?People lost feeling…lost again? Countless familial relationships in desperate need of repair just slappin a red n green bandaid on it in the name of Saint Nick? ✔️✔️✔️ It’s really just an awful time for everyone. BUT S...

kinda miss lookin like a stuffed turkey not gonna lie…🤗 Hap..

kinda miss lookin like a stuffed turkey not gonna lie…🤗 Happy Thanksgiving everybody! 🌽

😎

mood

hi i got a haircut and it’s swimsuit weather in New York… b..

hi i got a haircut and it’s swimsuit weather in New York… but make it Christmas? 💦🎄❤️❤️❤️

Ok baby back asleep sooooo….no more excuses?….6 weeks postpa..

Ok baby back asleep sooooo….no more excuses?….6 weeks postpartum and it’s time to face the music 😳 haha jk it’s fine I’m fine I’ll just avoid low rise jeans until the end of time etc etc This is just to say postpartum is WAY harder than being pregnant, at least for me. I feel a bit like a deflated balloon (to be fair this will be the closest I’ll ever get to being an actual deflated balloon*) and the hormone rollercoaster, lack of time, lack of sleep and presence of new things...

was about to do a postpartum body update but then the baby w..

was about to do a postpartum body update but then the baby woke up lol sryyyyy

new tings 🤎

all day every day… i would expand on that but you know the ..

all day every day… i would expand on that but you know the 📏

guess i was that snapchat dog filter? idk lol kids had fun n..

guess i was that snapchat dog filter? idk lol kids had fun now imma raid their candy while they sleep 🤫🤫🤫 (In all fairness it’s the least they can do for destroying my bathroom w face paint and making me take them out twice bc before dark it “didn’t feel like Halloween yet” lol, gotta love em) Hope you all had a great weekend!!! 💋💋💋

been tied up in the laundry room with these filthy DMs 🙄🪢👐

yaooo sry for delay on posts just turns out newborn life pl..

yaooo sry for delay on posts just turns out newborn life places unexpected challenges on oF life (SHOCKING, i know haha). But it’s not impossible! Luckily babies love hair dryers and bouncing. 😳😛 Postpartum multitasking is the new pregnancy boredom? Don’t worry imma get those leather pants tho Yan! Haha ❤️ Lack of time mixed with hormone-fueled decisions HAS gotten me in a little hot water over the last 24 hours. Made the mistake of recycling an oF pic for Instagram. LOL. You’d...

happy saturday! And i mean it! Haha. 3 weeks postpartum an..

happy saturday! And i mean it! Haha. 3 weeks postpartum and feeling a bit more like myself thank god. Crazy body shift, for starters. Look at the side by side! Emotions a bit off the rails but that’s expected. Last week was a disaster with three kids all home from school (a classroom covid case), another clogged duct and just general “baby blue” malaise that is biologically unavoidable. The emotional recovery from OF taking down my breastfeeding / pumping post was an example of how agg...

sunday night 🙃 lol

triple kid nap 👉 parenting level 1000

5 days postpartum! 🤯 Of course i still look 4-5 months preg..

5 days postpartum! 🤯 Of course i still look 4-5 months pregnant (as my almost 5yr old keeps mentioning 🙄 lol) but the fact that a week ago there was a full grown baby in there is outrageous. To be fair the emotional bounce back is cuz it’s my third baby. If you haven’t tried going for 3 i highly recommend skipping 1 and 2 and just doing the third. Much much easier to just know what you’re doing and not tear and all that (lol). Flippant jokes aside I was high key terrified going in...

ok cool, what now? 😏

🐣

🌊

the good thing about going past your due date is extra time ..

the good thing about going past your due date is extra time for bump pics? Haha 40 weeks 1 day! 🥳🥳🤦🏻‍♀️

update (noooo update) 🤦🏻‍♀️😛

40 WEEKS! WE MADE IT. 🍾🍾🍾 (Whatever that means tbh haha) ..

40 WEEKS! WE MADE IT. 🍾🍾🍾 (Whatever that means tbh haha) eating ALLLLL the humble pie this week. Coulda sworn last week was my week. 3cm dialated, contractions every night, it just FELT close. But nahhhhh, this lil babe has something else in mind so now we wait. (And get foot massages and curb walk and lie in strange positions and make everyone we see press on random parts of our hands and shins lol) At least I feel great during the day, even energized. Nighttime is another story… ...